LET'S GET SOME ECONOMIC IMPLANTS

What does late 1970’s and present day America have in common? They both have horrible hair and oil situations. While many of today’s teens sport a hairstyle that Donny Osmond would love to forget, I don’t think economists would use such bad hair as our link to the economic plight of the late 1970’s. If economists won’t use unisex hairstyles, why then would they use the high price of oil? Both are rampant today, and both were rampant back in the late 1970’s. Indeed, the price of oil has a far greater impact on our economy than that of horrible hair, but it should not be our defining factor. If the United States hopes to overcome the impending recession, its people will have to accept their nation’s diminished role in oil market share and take the economy into their own hands. A recession is inevitable, but future decades do not have to be marred by it.

Within the past six years, the rise in the price of oil coincided with an appeasing surge in the economy. As gas prices went up, so did the average salary and the creation of jobs. Unfortunately, that trend has ended. The past year has seen a reversal. While the prices of oil have continued to increase, hitting a record high of $83.32 per barrel, the creation of jobs and the average salary have been on the decline. No longer will our economy continue to give us appeasing gifts, like a soccer mom gives to her son when he wins. Our whining will remain unchecked except through the actions of an economic Messiah.

Will this economic Messiah be sent from the heavens? No, he’s already here. The economic Messiah lives on 91st Street, he lives on Murray Street, he lives on Ohio Court, he lives on Princeton Place, he lives on Chapman Parkway, but he does not live on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Our economic Messiah lies within each and every American household, not within the White House. It is Machiavelli who said that, “A Prince must learn to act like both the fox and the lion,” but what must we do when a prince acts like the monkey instead? Machiavelli would say that the Prince deserves to lose his principality; however, I say that it is the PEOPLE must be the like the lion and the fox.

With growth in China and India coinciding with booms in several other smaller countries, the global market for oil is becoming a Battle Royale in which America will no longer hold a prominent stake. It is not acceptable to place our frustration and hardships on the shoulders of the cost of oil because that cost will not disappear. Since the end of World War II, European countries have faced petroleum prices well over $6.00 per gallon and have still been able to thrive. Whether it’s called gas or it’s called petroleum - it’s expensive, and that’s not going to change

Ireland, which has seen one of the largest economic booms of the decade, dealt with gas prices of $6.18 per gallon. Could you imagine soccer moms having to fill up their minivans and multi-purpose assault vehicles with gas at $6.18 per gallon? How did Ireland do it? Ireland invested with caution, and with innovation. Through these investment strategies, Ireland was able to surmount what we perceive as insurmountable. The American people, those men an women who run our businesses, factories and investment banks, must heed the Celtic Fox’s economic model if we are to survive.

No country can stand without an economic rock. For the United States, this economic rock is found within England and France. In order for the American people to drag themselves out of a recession they must create a balance between tried, true, and new. Much like the middle school girl who seeks Britney Spearesque popularity, America must integrate the past with the future. The formula is the same. In order for Tammy to reach critical mass (the middle school population) by the time she reaches 8th grade she’ll have to invest in a clique when she’s in 6th grade. Now this clique has to center around both new potential and her old friends from elementary school. It may be ugly for those first few years, but once Christina looses her braces, and Amanda sprouts her breasts, the clique will rule the school and investment in potential will have paid off.

These new “potential” centric venues for American investments (or the girls beginning to sprout breasts) are Greece, Luxembourg, Ireland, Poland, Indonesia, India, Japan, and the Balkans. Found within all of these countries is the potential, not only to revive America, but to catapult it. Both Ireland and Greece represent the balancing force in the new potential. While Ireland has already experienced a boom, its stability and prospect of steady growth give it the potential to be that third rock for America. Greece on the other hand has not experienced a boom, but rather a steady yet amazing growth in industry. Remember that girl back in high school you always thought was cute and one day you pass her on the street only to realize she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous? Well, that girl is Greece, and my God is she beautiful. Greece is the world’s largest shipping nation, and with countries like China and France investing billions into her ports, the gap between Greece and the rest of the world can only continue to grow. Along with being the largest shipping nation in the world, Greece also has one of the fastest growing economies in the European Union.

For the Diamonds in the rough: Luxembourg, Poland, Indonesia, India, and the Balkans, reason for investment is found in both mindset and economic growth. While Slovenia boasts no, “Fastest growing economy” or, “Lowest unemployment rate” its major companies are looking to advance. Over the past ten years, companies like ski manufacturers have risen in world ranking from obscurity to 8th. For Poland, Indonesia, and India, reason for investment lies in their Compound Annual Growth Rate. All three countries have a six-year outlook of over 10%. Having the largest growth rate at 14.47% and an already massive population, India is like an uncut Diamond whose profit goes to the first merchant. On a much smaller scale, Luxembourg gives the American people an opportunity to invest and shape and entire country’s economy without the major expense. Luxembourg’s people have the highest per capita income in the world at $89,507 and thus have the money to spend on American Business.

I’ve saved my biggest gem for last, Bulgaria. If you could compare Bulgaria to a girl she’d be beautiful blonde with a strikingly elegant black cocktail dress, only if you ever complimented her, she’d shoot you. This is a testament to a country with a bad reputation. Yes there is corruption, but is the United States, the land of Enron and Martha Stewart really a country to point a finger? Corruption in Bulgaria only means that businesses work faster and greater profits are returned (I think the DMV could benefit from this model). Rather than investing in Russian alcohol, the American people need to invest in Bulgaria as a cheaper alternative. Cheaper does not mean the quality is diminished, as a matter of fact, it’s the opposite. Alcohol created in Bulgaria is of equal or greater quality than that created in Russia. Why? Well it’s because Russian alcohol giants commission Bulgarian companies because the Bulgarians have to pay less taxes and lower fees, turning a higher profit. Bulgaria is an amazing country with lots of potential in all of its businesses.

I don’t believe that Machiavelli ever had binding bipartisan politics and a limp leader in mind when he wrote “The Prince.” However, I also don’t believe that there is merely no solution. America, now is not the time to blame your plight on any administration: past, present, and future. Today is the day where the economy becomes our problem, and we must take action so that our children are still able to frolic and play. As it stands now, America is looking like that middle-aged trophy wife who’s been sipping too much brandy, and although we were beautiful in our prime, gravity has taken its toll. So America, let’s get some breast implants, some liposuction, and some botox and get back out there on the international dating scene.